sometimes you are just ready...

ready for anything that can come at you , ready for change, ready for new beginnings. its scary to think how much life changes in a year, most for the best, yet even though there is still a few rough edges to smooth out, i think im ready to take them on..
im happy, im hopeful, im a dreamer.
like i have said before, no matter in the end no one can take your ability to dream and to want more.
i hope that this coming year i get everything that i aim to seek.
but its always nice to get a little more :)

When its good..

It's easy to get carried away in the good of things, and to forget all the bad that ever happened, and to let the wind take you.. and to kind of get carried away if you may say.
and while all of that is good, and its fun to get caught up in the moment of life and just keep living, always remember the hard that it took you to get where you are now...
because in the end you always know, its never as easy as it sounds.. something could always be around the corner.. i just hope im ready to be this happy forever,
cause lord knows that i deserve it.

And so it goes..

The truth will always prevail...

To dream is but a small task.....

But to hope and to love continuously with complete sincerity?
well that my dear is an enormous accomplishment. Not a task at all. Because that would mean that I would have a set time to complete it.
And that my dear is not the story of love...
love has no time or frames or limits or boundaries. Love goes on and on until you tell it so or until you do so.. Better yet Or until you stop trying....Whichever comes first.

And it sparkles.

That's what make life so Fucken fantastic. Let me breathe it in.

I loveeeeeeeeeeee

It. What's it to you. Look inside yourself first.

Hopefully I just don't dream it

But Hopefully make it come true.

What of it now?

Show me a sign at least. You cruel cold world

Believe

Too much hope is bad for the heart

What do you know

As quickly as the world revolves out of place, it quickly sets itself back in.

And do you feel it?

That positive good feeling aching inside you. Waiting to be freed?

Love never hurries to put all the pieces together for you

It puts the major ones in and leaves spaces for you to work with. It gives you room to fill and love and appreciate and build what you want, and to enjoy the process that takes a lifetime to build. And even then you can never be done. Because at the end of it all there is always room to love more to show more to give more.

Here's to all those spaces that are being filled day by day. May they fit into place just the way they are supposed to.

Remember to let her into your heart

Then you begin to make it better.

And so it happens

Happiness is near.

so quickly how things change..

little things that didnt use to matter, matter more, whereas the ones that did before are nothing but a memory...
no matter how good anything is anymore, i think i still have a little bit of fear left.. i am scared that i would face downfall again, and wouldnt know how to deal with it..
i wouldnt know what to do with myself..
i sure wish on the man on the moon out there that my dreams dont let me down..
i sure hope that you dont either my dear...
things are good, and are only going to get better..

Life stands still for a moment

And I feel like I can look forward and not look back... Am I ready to fully engulf myself in it all? Am I ready to be vulnerable just one more time? How I know? How do I know it won't happen again?



Please don't hurt me anymore.

Keep forgetting

But when life is going so good, who has time to think ?

You know when you look for a change ?

Well I think I've found the time. I don't ever like to think of myself as a constant being. I want to be able to go with the flow and change and be open to it. I'm ready to send myself out into the world and do this!

And it happened today.

The day before the rest of my life. Hope I can make it out there!

As things end

New things begin. Can I make it?

As nervousness sets in

That's when you don't trust yourself... Take your time Eli. It will all come along.

And so it is.

Keep the sza sza szu alive. Long enough to see the sparkle.

Happy

But scared to fully embrace it. Please let it be this good forever

And to bigger and better changes!

It starts now

Le sigh

:(

I did it!!!

:)

Ugh

Just ugh. If looks could kill. I would have gotten rid of many a long time ago

Things are coming to an end.

And it feels weird. Another chapter of my life is ready to close.... What will life bring me next?

and it feels so good for a reason

i had the best sleep i have had in a long time. i could have slept in your arms forever.
thank you

Sleep my dear

Sleep away the nightmares. Bring the dreams back in.

So tell me what you want

What you really really want

Come as you are

 there is nothing to fear here...

Oh lord

Please give me more motivation.. I really need it!

take care of me this time?

because i am falling faster again than i would like to admit.
take care of me this time and dont let me go.
because there will never be another chance.
take care of me please?
and it feels like im back where i used to be, even though i am afraid at how easy and great it feels again.
i cant believe that im feeling on clouds again, when
moments earlier you were the one that tore me down..
now im not saying im fully ok again,
and forgive me if you believe im fully recovered.
im not, i told you that would take time..
but a little part of me is becoming alive again, and i hope it keeps going.
take care of me this time please, for you will never see me again if my clouds start to fall.

Hmmm damn

And it's getting good.

He makes me feel

Like anything is possible again.let my guard down?..

Good things come to those who wait

Sometimes it might just take a little longer. And well it's very frustrating to have to wait for it.

And it was my heart on the line

You really fucked it up this time. Didnt you my dear?

Old wounds

Never seem to heal. Especially when the fresh scent of a new day stings like it was yesterday. Forgive to forget?

Happy

Do you ever feel lonely ?

If it was up to me

I would have figured you out. I would have told you not to do it. I would have figured out a way to keep you solely to me.i would have figured out a way to let you be only mine like I dreamed I was.. If it was up to me I would have a switch that would completely turn to hate.but I can't. If it was up to my head I would just completely hate you. But it's not up to my head. In matters like this my heart wins. I hope that everything you speak is true. I hope one day I'm able to see you without all the darkness that follows you now. I hope one day you love me as much as I did you. I hope one day I will be the only person in your world. The only one and no one else

And so it is.

I don't know what to do anymore. Someday I'll be ok

Exhausted beyond belief, but i have to keep going

im too close to quit. What would i think of myself for being a quitter? who cares what the world thinks, they wil figure out something to say anyway.

isnt it funny the joke time plays on you ?

sometimes, time is my own worst enemy. other times its the best. its the only thing that faster than a bandaid, to place over my currently over dramatic heart. time hates me. it makes me go back and forth in my dreams, it lets me dream of what i used to be, and have nightmares of the times i try to forget. time is smart. it lets me forget the easy happy times, yet time after time the bad things dont go away. it seems that everytime you relive a story you remember one little detail that you might have missed the first time.. an accident? a chance meeting? something you forgot? a favor? time.. 

if only i had a time machine, would i really not change anything?

i would go back and make myself a little smarter, leave little details and tips of the things that were never going to come true, that way i wouldnt have cried as much..

but then again, would i be the person i am today? 

who knows.

time only knows my secrets. time knows the answers as well.

time makes me better, but time also hurts me..

and even when you think you left something in the past,

it can come back and haunt you, just as painfully as you did the first time.

oh i was innocent.

back in time, innnocent little stupid me.

slow down girl..

thats what i would have said.

slow down girl, for your life

is going to be tragic no matter what you do.

not everything that glitters, is gold.

When everything seems to be going wrong..

You kind of forget to be thankful for certain things. It feels like a sin to be thankful for those things that once made you happy, when your whole world is upside down..
But isnt life just a constant hill? i mean imagine if it was always flat.. no ups or downs? we were just always at the same place in time, no extreme happiness or sadness? how fun would that be?
i dont think it would be at all..
i think this is what keeps me wanting more..
i dont know if its been the slight stretch of events that have happened to me, but somehow i feel like im not doing all that im meant to be doing.. like im meant to be doing more, exploring what i dream of and not just of what i currently do..
oh life is fucken complicated.
what to do next?

What's your secret she said?

How are you ok when everything around you falls apart? How do you look so flawless?

It's in the makeup.

But it's in my heart as well she said.
I will forever be the eternal optimist.

we had magic.

 "we had magic.. and this is tragic, you couldnt keep your hands to yourself.
i feel like my world has been infected. and somehow you left me neglected.
we found our lives have been changed.
babe, you lost me..
 and we tried,
oh how we cried.
we lost ourselves.
the love has died.
and though we tried.
you cant deny.
were left as shells.
we lost the fight.
 and we had magic.
and this is tragic,
you couldnt keep your hands to yourself.
i feel like my world has been infected.
and somehow you left me neglected.
we found our lives have been changed.
babe you lost me.

 i know you're sorry.
 but how can i ever trust you ever again?
 my world has been infected.
 somehow you left me neglected."

 -Christina Aguilera


 i need therapy to chase away the nightmares i see every day.

How do you even begin

To build again ?

Why can't I live in a fairy tale?

And Everything would last. Everything would be prefect. No one would ever be sad.

Because when real people in the real world fall down

They dust themselves off and get back up again.

it was harder today.

since i had the chance to feel your familiar presence yesterday.you feel so good. you feel so safe. and then i go to sleep and dream our downfall... why did you make this so hard? it would have been easier if you hadnt broken my heart..

I wish I really could leave

Somewhere else. And start fresh where I wouldn't know anyone or hear anyone. I think I realized that A lot of the times I'm doing things that I don't want to do anymore.. What am I meant to do? Where am I meant to be?
I miss knowing. Or at least thinking I knew. How easily do people fall in and out of your life. People that were never meant to be there in the first place... I miss us. Really I do.

Life is no do over

Or is it?

If life was as easy as I dreamed

I would never cry.

We love you for who you are

And that's it. Dont believe the haters

Can never get away

of how good you feel.. its the warmth of being close. and breathing the same time. how did we end up like this? when did it get so hard? we promised to never end up like this. i guess promises end up broken.

It's a constant roller coaster

I don't think I'll ever learn to be by myself.

Dear young lady,

Dear young lady, Yes you. You are still young. Although there are days that start and you feel like you don’t have anything in control at the age you are at, truth is you do. I know there are times when you get drunk and you feel sad, but little lady that happens when you are sober as well. And even though people tell you that you are happy when you are partying, sometimes you just aren’t. and it doesn’t matter if you are on your period or not. Even if you have had chocolate cake or not. Little lady you are the kind of soul that is very ecstatic about hope,dreams and new ideas, yes you with your daily coffee that with an open heart thinks every quote relates to your life. Why does it always sound like its for you? And no matter what songs you listen to or what videos you watch , you still get sad. And bless your soul for crying at that sad song. Yes I know you have a sad remix. Its ok. I wont let anyone know that it makes you feel good. For some reason you’d like to believe that if you keep sipping coffee and shop till your hearts content, That soon enough you will end up permanently happy. And yes sometimes that happens, especially if you wear a really cute outfit. But young lady we all know that you tend to overthink what you see, and feel what you over hear, and yet as much as you say they don’t bug you, the little voice in your head makes you wish everyone was nicer , or a bit more positive than they currently are. And that’s ok, because theres always going to be mean people and no matter how nice you are to them, they will always be mean. That’s ok, as far as they are concerned, you have it all. And sometimes you think you do, but most days you think you don’t. don’t worry noone will know that you still keep 75% of your brain filled with all the wedding ideas you can ever find on the internet, and no matter how many times you go back to Disneyland, you keep imagining that you will have a princess proposal in front of the castle. Don’t worry young lady, noone has to know. As far as everyone is concerned you are a stone cold woman, whos too independent to need anyone else. Nobody needs to know. So keep saying inappropriate things to make others think youre ok. Keep reading poetry and wishing someone would write a poem for you. Keep dreaming about shoes and weddings and happiness that you always do. No one can take that away from you as hard as they try. Keep singing your song. Don’t worry noone has to know that you are spending more time sleeping on weekends because you just want to dream.

you do or you dont

you will or you wont.. no more. Baby Im going to do it right. what happened to our love back then? Im tired. Im so tired of being sad. All i wanted was to be happy with you. Only you. Now i dont know anymore.

A girl spends so much time being sad..

And then she gets mad. You don't ever want her to be mad. I'm thankful that I have the right to transition to be mad. Very mad.

Might as well face it

You're addicted to love.. Will I ever not be?

Fuck

That shit . No fairy tales here

and its days like this that i hate

because i would be so used to running to you and telling you everything and celebrating and just being happpy, and now i cant. i wont. i cant run to the one person i would tell first without feeling my heart fall apart again. its like whenever i hear your voice or see anything that reminds me of you, i go back to dreaming of horrible things. as bad as i want you, as bad as i miss you, i dont know when ill be able to be ok. i dont know when ill be able to look at you in the eyes and not cry for what we could have been. you say look at all of our past. people say look at it and all the time invested and nothing else should matter.. but things changed when you broke my past. its not a simple timeline anymore... things dont fit anymore, things dont make sense anymore. i want to hear you words and your truths, but i dont think i can ever do that.. maybe ill be optimistic and say i hope one day i do? i almost forgot the point of this dumb blog. im just thankful enough to have makeup and music. and as stupid as you think it sounds im just glad that i can turn my music on and paint my face on so that i dont have to bother anyone with the truth. they dont need to know. i dont need anymore people feeling sorry about me or laughing about me or offering me advice. i cant trust any of them. why bother? they're going to let you down anyway. and if they havent, they eventually will. again and again.

It's not a good day..

It never is anymore. It's getting harder to smile.
To keep pretending to all these assholes. To keep happy. I wish I could just sleep and hide. I want reasons I search for explanations. I try to build my own timelines. I can't. You make me happy and sick at the same time. I miss you so much it hurts. I have never felt so alone in my life. But I can't. As much as I would love to run and see you. My heart won't let me.

I think in decimals and dollars

I am the cost to all your problems.
Shelter from cold
We are never alone.
Then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
Wish I knew.

Holding on to your grudge,
Oh it's so hard having someone ou love.
You can't have a secret if it wasn't a secret to start.
At least pretend you didn't want to get caught.

When theres no one else,

who the hell do you look for? who the hell do you talk to? who the hell do you trust?
in life we are faced with a lot of choices and i lead a life that I'd like to believe that i made really good choices, and for that reason solely is why everything happened now. Its my fault, something i did and or didnt do. the worst part about it is i keep having these horrible dreams i keeo wishing so bad that nothing was ever real, but i cant. I see myself then, stupid and happy, contrasted with now stupid and sad. and i dont understand it, i dont think i ever will.
you fucken let people completely in and they dont have the balls to tell you the truth.
the people that are supposed to mean something.

why now? why now when i was completely and utterly happy and ok? i was sailing back to cloud 9. i was rejoiced. i loved my life and finally began to see all things clearly again. sad thing is i dont think you realize how badly you hurt me. i think back to 8 years and im upset because i realize that nothing ever meant anything to you. you were such a great liar, monuments and steps taken in life were just so you could please me, not because you wanted them to happen. and then i see myself as a role in the master plan, what was the master plan? to break me down? to break me down?
well you all succeeded. i hate you for making me feel like a complete weak person, i hate you for making me feel like i deserved it. go back to it all,was it all worth it? did it really feel so good? what does it feel like to have your whole life completely broken apart? completely ruined, cause all you can think about is how bad you feel now, how bad you hurt, well 8 years worth of story in my heart that meant nothing. i dont want promises, i dont want words, frankly i dont even know if i want actions. i wish so bad with all my heart that i could leave, i dont know where. i dont know how. but i need to leave it all. please put my mind to sleep forever. please let me sleep forever, i keep telling myself to sleep forever but its impossible. can i just skip this and go to the part where im happy ? this is how people go crazy. this is how people end up broken and abused.





this is what you did to me.

you always hurt the ones you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
And crush it till the petals fall

You always brea-eak the kindest hear-eart
With a hasty word you can't recall, so
If I broke your heart la-ast night
It's because I love you most of all

You always hurt the one you lo-ove
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest ro-ose
And crush it till the petals fa-all

You always break the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall
So-o if I broke your heart last night
It's because I love you mo-ost of a-all


You always hurt the one you love
The one you shouldn't hurt at all
You always take the sweetest rose
Crush it, ti-ill the petals fall

You always brea-eak the kindest heart
With a hasty word you can't recall, so
If I broke your heart last night
It's because I love you most of all...

Ahhhh.

Somedays it's easier than others... What to do when my creativity is down... I'm just thankful for new beginnings again.

and i think of the many things i am grateful for..

and many times its you. and my hopes and dreams and the damn idea of wanting to be this happy forever. this is as young as ill ever be. lets remain silent in our own world. forget them all, we cant really expect them to understand can we?

Today is the day.

And we did it. Now we wait.

Down to the point of complete exhaustion

And I'm just thankful for the chance to get to do this. I hope that I don't freeze Thursday...

Today I am simply thankful for

Having one boob bigger than the other. The right.... Lol

Vision yourself where you want to be

And what you want to be. And it makes it that much easier. Grateful for all the wonderful things in my life. Happy for him. And to have more days like today in which we just enjoy each others company.

And it happens

Today. Happiness is contagious

Don't wake me I plan on sleeping in..

Please please wish me luck. Comps in less than 7 days!!😱

...

Ten more days...

Till I can breathe or cry myself to sleep. Wish me luck

.............

Don't listen to the noise of fools- they may think they are talking, but it's nothing worth hearing. Gossip, negativity and hate is never part of a loving, hopeful and kind person's way of thinking or speaking...-wise wordes of kandee johnson..

we might realize that this is the way to live, but its easier said than done. wouldnt it be easier to just get rid of the negativity. lets get rid of them.. but it doesnt work that way... things work out in the end. i know it. i know they do.. they have to.

thankful that i still have my dreams. even though most of the time im scared shitless.

And we can plan

But let's just hope it all goes according to it..

Home come back...

That's what I keep telling my mind. Thank god for new beginnings? just hope they come soon.

Happy birthday my smelly,

Thankful for another bday with you..

Almost my babies bday..

:)

Ah I'm here..

Nothing left to be thankful but being at home and seeing my smelly and my bf at the gate! :)

Last day here...

What will I do to remember it all?!

Last day here...

What will I do to remember it all?!

I'm in love with this city

Madrid has been so good to me... So weird to think its almost all over. My love I have been bit by the traveling bug....

I'm going to hate myself when I go back

Too much excitement and it's going to be tiring on the way back!

Espana makes you

Think of all the differences back at home... Why can't people be as simple as this or as appreciative or genuine? Madrid I love you. Im thankful again for the time you are allowing me with you

Barcelona.

You might have knocked the energy out from underneath us. But we're awake now and ready to see the rest of you!

It's so different

From back home. These people ate so positive, so nice. They love life.. And they are classy... I know that sounds weird but i can't even say the last person I saw with their cleavage and butt hanging out, or someone with their big nasty hair or too much makeup. Walking here is part of life which would explain the lack of obese and overweight individuals. If only life and people were this pure back at home... Thank you world for letting me visit this wonderful place.

P.s miss you my love. Big kisses and hugs to you.

First day of Spain

And I feel like I've entered a new world. So thankful to know that there I beautiful places such as this.

Arrivederci California!

On my way to LAX to head to Spain. Today I am thankful for life being beautiful enough to allow me to take a trip like this....

If I can make it through today,

I can make it through anything. My head is currently in shambles. I leave for Spain on Friday, and finals... I have comps to joyfully come back to.. Let's just say I can't wait for school to be over. Infinitely.

Too tired to think

Thankful for my soft bed. Good night

Choose to be kind,

Over being right. And you'll be right every time... It doesn't pay to dwell on being mean.. It angry.. What's it going to get you besides a stress induced heart attack sooner or later...
People have always said to love your enemies and we all know it's true. . The hardest thing to do but the smartest. I've said it a million times maybe not written it but I constantly repeat it in my head. Kindness kills people. Do it!!!!

Thank you For the gift of being about to choose kind words to those that don't use very kind words towards me.

I believe in me

Do you believe in me?

Everything comes in due time..

and its perfectly fine to not go in the same speed or length as anybody else.... Remember that you are the one making your own path and by it being solely your path, makes it extremely unique. Follow the beat of your own drum and noone elses...

With love always,
Thankful enough to have love in my life...

And so it is..

I know I've used this before.. But it bears repeating.. Maintain a positive attitude and it'll benefit you in the end.. Great things come to those who wait..

Never doubt the things that happen

In your life.. Because its all for a reason. Things will start to make sense, and it's great that you didn't have to get your hands dirty to realize it..

Don't worry,

It'll all be ok in the end. If its not ok, it's not the end.

Don't let anyone influence the way you see yourself

You are way better than they think you are. Stay true to yourself. Do things out of honesty and fairness. Above all love yourself. Noone else knows you better....

The days go on,

and i still cant believe how awesome life has been going. Its like something is finally beginning to go the right way for once. thank you for the stars finally aligning in my self conflicting confusing universe!

I am now 25 years old as of today.

And it feels good. Since it feels the same. Here's to many years more, and living life like in the best way possible !

I'm getting older

By the minute. Hello life.
Here I come :) I'm thankful that I get to live another year. Not everyone is as lucky as I am:)

Positivity

Kills people. It's so much easier that way. Thank you for making it so much easier.

Chances

Whenever you experience new things, or just things that you are not good at.. You are bound to make teensy weensy mistakes... the good thing about it is that you can learn from them, and bounce back and use these things to your advantage.. What we have to remember is that we have to stay honest with ourselves, never be afraid of the decisions or choices you make, stand by them. UNderstand that it makes you a bigger person, even if all you are doing is admitting that you made the mistake in the first place..
Life is taking me for another ride. I am near the end of my schooling. I am also at the beginning of a new adventure at work. While planning also for my first out of country experience in about three weeeks. I am excited, anxious, nervous, scared, happy, overwhelmed, and a mass sort of variety of things. The good things that I try to remember is that im able to do all of these things iin the first place.. how many people out there that dont get to live the way that I am living right now?
Life is challenging me, and I know I can do it. It might take me a while, but I can take it by the reigns.

One nail polish color at a time.

Thankful that there is many colors in the world....

Amazing

How fast things can change.

Today I am grateful for new beginnings.

Ahhhh

So close to death.. Or so I thought!! Hahaha.

Too tired to think. Good night and I'm thankful for waking up with the hopes of getting better tomorrow.

All you can know is that you want to move forward

And risk that the love that you have will allow that happen..

But like Carrie says, it's not logic its love..

I've been slowly driving myself insane. Dont let that scare you...I'm ok and better than I have ever been. But tonight I had one of those moments that just happens when you go back and you think of where you were a while back and you're glad of where you are going and are currently at. I once thought I was broken. I once thought nothing else was worth smiling for. I once thought that all my hopes were broken... And it's quite embarrassing to think that I allowed myself to feel that way. But think if things like that didnt happen, then maybe we wouldn't be so happy at where we are now. I think I lost a couple of days worth of fight in me at that time.. How easy can something crumble your world.. Never would I have thought it would have been me! I put more thought into the days nowadays... And I'm not sure of a lot of things, but what I am sure of is that I'm willing to work for whatever it is I want.. People have helped create what I have come to be these almost 25 years and it's no fair to them that I allow anything less than really making it out there. I need to share my happiness and hey I can call it wisdom as well with others :) here I am feeling as old as ever, but maybe finally realizing that I'm starting life over again? I'm not being apathetic. Nor am I being sympathetic to any situation that ever occurred to make me feel like I couldn't go on.

I dont know how to end this post.. But what i can I have created my own form of therapy and that is by writing. I am thankful for all of the words out there that help me create my own world and dig out all my thoughts( even though some might be shorter, longer or crazier than the others)......
Thank you. And I hope the universe helps feeding me the words to keep writing this long novel of my unwritten life.

Be positive

We can all do it. You just gotta take it day by day and do things to make you feel good. I've started thinking better, loving better, eating better! It feels better!! It's easy to get caught up on the negativity. But you just gotta take a step away from it and not let it affect you as hard as it may be. Just Remember every situation can be good or bad it just depends on how you respond to it!! 😁😁😁

March be kind

I have so much left to live and so much left to see. Who will be there to see me through it? The first of the month is always a good chance to evaluate yourself and set new goals. What will I accomplish now? Thank you for the universe aligning the way it is. Isn't it funny the way things work themselves out?

There are times in life when you

Question that maybe you should be doing more in life than you are currently... But maybe I'm right? Maybe I'm just where I am supposed to be? How do I know? With less and less people here by my side. I know that the ones who stuck around count.. Thank you for that. I couldn't have done it without you..

These next few months are going to go fast

I wish I could stop life and just focus on school. In less time that I know it, I will be saying hello graduation(fingers crossed)... Stepping into the big world out there.. Maybe I'll just stay in school a little longer? :) today is February 29th... Leap year only comes around every 4 years. what can I do that I can celebrate every 4 years? What will I be doing next leap year?

You can do it,

Just keep telling myself that I can do anything I set my mind too.. I'm thankful for opportunities of everyday. Because I don't have to beat myself up for past failures, I have the future to look forward to.

You get credit for what you finish

Not what you start. And I know I have been one to start a lot of things. And here i state that my weight my has been one of them. I have been on a fast road to nothing and it's with shame that I state that I am now 156 lbs. something I thought I would never get to, and yes all I do is complain and cry. But by golly I need to something now. And stating and writing that number so that I'm not the only one who know its makes it way better. I know it's not easy, and it just gets harder from here. But there's no way that I can keep this going. I'm telling you this not so that you tell at me, but that you try to understand. I'm going to need your help and I want you to motivate me because it's going to be a heck of a hard ride.. I can't keep this up. It's not healthy and it's more than pride now...

Some days are just better than others

Just like some people are better than others. I will always remember. Can't you ever forget? Thank you for the time everyone gives me. Little by little paving a better way..

Tonight give me everything tonight

I'm thankful for the life you guys help me live

Dreaming of you.

Thank you for every moment of happiness. I have begun to forget the bitter past..

Lovely thursday, when all im waiting for is..

Sleep. But of course my nail polish addiction keeps me up again... Im thankful that i just love being a girl, as weird as that sounds... hahaha. good night, good night..

You dont want to know

the things going on in my head... but one of them is this song again.. it makes me happy. thoughts today? Sometimes it sucks to see the people your acquaintances have become, worst enough is i have to see them everyday. Its not worth to attack anymore, to defend, to join in the havoc.. ive come to realize where i stand, and people can be so deceitful to your own face, but ive learned to be able to tell their lies. Im such an expert that it doesnt even bother me anymore.. Accept that some people are going to lie and hurt you and let you down.. Sometimes they just cant help it? they have nothing better to do? Most of the time they just enjoy when you attend their pity party... they can go down but im not going down with them.. if only i could move and run away.. hahahhah
No, it just makes people even angrier to see you happy.. ill stay and keep on proving my point.
im ok,
Are you ever going to be ok with yourself?

Its getting harder and harder to not mind those

That choose to speak against me... In the end of it all, I have to look out for myself. Sad to think that the number closest to me gets smaller and smaller each year... Who will it be next?

Sometimes the worst that there is to fear

Is ourselves... Oh how I wish I could literally change and delete things about myself and my life.. But it doesn't work that way... It's up to me to sit here and wait and take I'm the wrath and glory of my choices... Thank you for giving me the chance to contemplate my future and helping me pick what it is exactly that I want...

I dont know what else to be thankful for

Except you. Thankful that everytime I lay down in bed I'm excited to sleep because I get to dream about you, and sleep to wake up the next day and see you again :) thank you

When you let yourself experience different things

You find out that there's things out there that your friends can make you feel good. Thankful for new experiences. Tomorrow is a new day.

So tired...

Long weekend ahead. Followed by a Long work week... They always feel longer after a 3 day weekend. Im thankful weekends like this :)

Sometimes when things are so good..

You sit and wonder how you could have ever let them go so bad at one point in time. I'm afraid for it to ever go back to the fear.. It's no fun. I'm smiling more than my face can take.. I can live with getting wrinkles for the sole reason being that I smile too much... Thank you for the laughter, the smiles and most of all the love of course..

The things we want...

Aren't always what we get. Thank god time passing can make it better.

Valentines day

a day for love and friendship.....a day that puts all of your life in perpective to help you see how much you have or dont have of each....there is so much love around us, that sometimes we might not realize that it has the capability to infiltrate all aspects of our life... love is easy to find, just make sure you stop to appreciate and smell the roses, loved by many or loved by a few, it shouldnt matter. we all have someone that loves us whether we know it or not... Smile! you never know who is out there loving you or falling in love with you..give thanks for the little things in life that you love as well..
Thank you for all the love in my life and in my world.
I have learned to start loving myself a little bit more each day, because in the end if i cant begin to love myself, how can someone else even begin to love me for me??

Happiness isn't a destination.

It's a never ending process. It's something that keeps on going and can be improved at all times.. I don't know why so I get so determined to arrive to it like its some sort or city.. I have to stop thinking about other people... Life is not about comparing ourselves to others or what they have , everyone will always SEEM to have more, we never really know if it's the truth or not.. Why do people like to make others feel bad? Is it because they aren't Happy with themselves? Who knows.. As long as I can be happy, that's all that matters.

Isn't it funny the way this wonderful world works?

Karma is a bitch, and so are you. Gosh thank you universe for proving the point before I tried to.

And when the world falls down

Who will be there to make it better...?weekend like this make me appreciate the real people I have in my life.. Thank you for all the love you give me. It's worth it :)

Define yourself ,

Before you decide to define me. Love the rush of daily life, even though it's currently stressing me. I will be ok :)

Mistakes

We all make them. You dont have to keep reminding me of mine. Thank you. Im doing fine with it, are you?

i thought I was going to have a better start to February..

expectations? pshhh. we have too many that most dont come to reality.. Part of me wants to think that I shouldnt have any, but how fun would life be that way? no hope? id rather not live such a sad life. ELIZABETH, compose yourself, i might sound crazy but I need to bring the positiivity back in my life, it was infecting my life before and made me feel so good, I need to not let it slip away.. Sometimes we just get to dissapointed in ouselves, but who will believe in us if its not ourselves? I mean look at me now, 5 months till school is over. Im nearing big changes in my life and wanting more changes(such as my job). I need to be able to maintain a positive attitude. Note to self: You can do anything, You know you can if you just try.. mean look at the things that you have done so far.. Dont give up too easily, You are not too old, never too fat, never too tired.. There is always others that have it worse than you. Note to self: Love youself, Please because thats something that no one will be able to do better than you can. Reject those that want to hurt you, there will always be new people trying to upset you and push you down, Remember its not your fault to fix everyone, its not your fault that they are so bitter.Kill people with kindness, Elizabeth, you will get what you want if you try, you will, just be patients. Stick to your goals, have goals to begin with, small short long or tall..have priorities, and morals... Life never goes out the way you want it if you dont have a plan. Have some sort of a plan, because even though life never goes out according to plan,it sure is a lot heck easier to cry about when you know you planned something rather than nothing..

Ironically, Thank you for my sanity today. I tend to think too much when I shouldnt.My mind needs to stop racing.. but of course it wont. Sometimes I wish I could type and write faster than I can think...

I feel like I've failed :(

Thank god for forgiveness and starting over? I'm so upset at myself for forgetting these days...

I love my life

Don't be mad

Is it because I'm demanding?

I would like to think I am not.. I'm just determined? Thank you for positive words that keep me sane. And out of the drama that is everyone else life.

Feb 1st

The only coke I Do is diet...

Thank you

February I know you will treat me well. Let this month begin.

Es Amor?

Nadien sabe nada mas que tu y yo..... Hoy doy Gracias por este mes y completar la primer meta el mez entero.

What I want..

Is not what I always get. Integrity and honesty... I have realized that those two things can be the hardest to try to achieve and to portray. Its little by little that every day I try a bit harder to try to work toward these. And it's not always easy. It's even harder when you have so many negative people In your life. Surrounding you and engulfing you with their thoughts.. I hope and pray that it's not too late. Not too late to change peoples perspective of me. If I try my hardest to portray the person I want to be..... It should all be ok right???Because I know I Would have done everything to show my true self. People can then just take it or leave it depending on their own personal choices. I would hope that they wouldn't want to lose me, but if they do then that's their choice. Sucks when you realize that not everyone you have in your life at one point in time will make it throughout the next years. But I guess that's how it goes.

Dear man on the moon, today I realized that I need to be a bit more Honest with myself. It helps me feel Better and does a lot more good for my sanity...... Thank you for the integrity in life and for allowing people to possess this quality.

Responsibility

Taking the attitude that life is what you make of it and choosing to make a difference. I can make a difference. And today I am thankful for my attitude. Which helps me keep going when it seems like I can't. Each new day is a new battle that I'm ready to face.

Today

As simple as it is.... I'm glad to have awesome friends in my life.. They can help me get through anything..

no one said it would be easy.

But no one ever said it would be this hard. Hurry up time. I miss us..

Today I am thankful for the bad times. Because then we never would have realized we could be this good again.

today i had a thought,

What if we had never met.. and it made me really sad..
thinking things in that perspective is really scary..
the way that your life would have gone a completely different way, because of alternate endings...
life is funny..it spins us, rewinds us and reminds us that nothing is ever constant..
some people leave and never come back, others leave and come back...
who knows who ever will stay?
makes me wonder if anyone would ever miss me, if anyone out there is afraid to lose me as part of their life..
a bit dramatic, but dont you ever stop and think how differently your life would be because of small events that we then took for granted?
like one of those "choose your alternate ending" books..
nothing is forever, nothing is ever certain.. things can change at the blink of an eye
i hope i make it to your ending..
heres to another chapter in your book.

Today i am grateful for life. For treating me the way it has, and helping me grow out of the young things in my past..

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

you are the things that you do, and I know someday we will be ok.
Dont rush time,
Dont rush fate,
Its up to us to wait now and enjoy our hard work.

thank you for all that you are doing ; )

It's raining again,

Why do some poeple feel the need to constantly dwell on the negaative? its like a constant fight for themselves and struggle not to find the good and happiness in their lives but to find the bad to complain about? its so tiring on both ends, but especially for the people that have to listen to it.. Why would you bother to put people down for your weaknesses? they just enjoy living life with pity? just because you feel bad and hate the world, does not mean that everyone else feels the same way. I love people that say that they only want the positive in their lives and want to keep the negativity there, when they spend half of their life complaining and the other half bitching.. do everyone else a favor and keep it to yourself.. try to present yourself in a way that you want others to see you as.. i mean we all have bad and negative shit going on, do you really have to let everyone know of your problems every day?
tip of the day: if you wake up and decide that you will have a good day and positive attitude, chances are that you are!! why would you spend your day dwelling on the bullshit???
not worth it if you ask me.
Today i am thankful for the positivity I try to have every day, hoenstly its not worth it to have a bad attitude. it gets too tiring..
I have better things to do anyway, but most importantly better things to feel :)

this song has been in my head all day.. thanks to evangelina on youtube..

honesty

is sometimes harder than running 10 miles, or having to complete 100 lounges in a row, or completing the plank for 2 minutes, or taking an organizational behavior final, or having to present your final thesis in front of your professor. but why? i think most of the time we avoid being honest and pretend that things dont bother us, for fear of expressing our opinions to the other, for the ultimate fear of hurting them. We sometimes aren't honest with others because we want to save them from the pain, from the hurt of the truth.. Ironically in the end we end up hurting them even more when we wanted to achieve the opposite... By hiding the truth and being dishonest, we build fake bridges, fake images that we know the other dont deserve..

but why is it so hard to be honest besides the fear of hurting the other? do we just try to pretend that we are perfect at all times and that nothing ever bothers us? im not perfect, youre not perfect.. but why do we try to be?

we are all broken. we will all be broken at one time and will contunie to hit parts of the road that will challenge and break us again....lets be honest with ourselves and each other,i know that nothing will ever be perfect, and that someone out there will always have it better or have more than me, and thats when I need to be able to stay honest with myself and you, to be able to have a chance to make it. It will make me and you feel better, if we are always honest, even if the honest truth hurts..

We owe it to each other right?

Today I am thankful for the honesty between two beings that share the same heart.

Does anyone ever know what kind of person you are?

Do we ever really know what kind of person we are? I mean after everything we end up wanting to be are we really that in the end? I would hope I am everything I try to be. I would hope that people would be able to see that in me. I would hope that they would be able to know what kind of person I try to be. Today I am thankful for everything that I am..

Our time

Today I am thankful for our time. Simple as that. Thank you!

Simply.

Thankful for you today. That is all ill ever need.

Desire.

The one thing that gets people into trouble.. from dipping into the wrong pot and standing too close to the flame.. today i go to thinking, how close is too close? what pushes people over the edge to do something that they know they shouldnt do, that can get them into trouble? some people would argue its the alcohol, others argue that they get in the moment, but honestly is that really enough to push you into something that you say you wouldnt do in a right state of mind? ... who knows.. i dont think we will ever know.

and i think sometimes its better that way.. i think im one of those people that wants to know everything. and ask for explanations for everything going on, but like everyone ive come to realize that sometimes its for the bet that some things we just wont know, or can never be unexplained.. if its in the past why do we keep giving it enough fire to rekindle those memories... if most of the time they are not good ones anyway?

because thats what keeps life more interesting, and for today as much as life has burned me in the ass with that flame, today I am thankful for the fire....

be careful what you wish for..

Sometimes you just want to grow up, and we spend our life rushing to get older and we keep wishing that we can speed up time. And then when you finally get it, your reality comes crashing down, and everything that you thought was real, really isnt.... in one sense im glad, that i didnt spend anymore effort maintaining relationships in my life that weren't worth it... but in the other sense its kind of sad and really heartbreaking that people are not what they have been made out to be.

I can say it a million times and i dont care if i offend anyone, i mean I tend to offend plenty of people anyway.. but I will be ok. I have found that middle ground in my life worth holding on to, and realized that Im way better off letting less people in, and lettting less people know about my life, ironic that its in a blog? hehehehehe.

I must not make any sense today, but thats fine. Today I am thankful for the small steps I take every day. Slow down for me life. Im trying to live in the moment :)

Smile

Because it pisses people off that you don't partake in their pity party. I may not be the best at what I do and may never be the greatest, but I'm happy to say that today I am strong enough to deal with things like an adult. I'm only going to prove you wrong. Unloved a positive attitude because that along with my hard work has gotten me where I am today. Thank you, for letting me be the bigger person.

i just want to be happy....

I am thankful for being able to hold on... its not the easiest thing i will ever have to do, but I know its for the best....

Thank You <3

Who says??

Today I am thankful for sleep. Because it can be one of the most wonderful things that you can do with someone else. Sleeping next to each other and sharing dreams...

this will for always remind me of you.

Thank you for holding on.

Today is going to be simple..

I am thankful for happy days and for that one special person in my life who can give me butterflies at any time of the day.....

P.S I am also thankful for Too Short as I am waiting in line right now... ;)

How long must I wait?

Happy thoughts. Its very amazing to see how the way you word something or rather as say something can change the mood of the room, person you are talking to or even yourself. I try to keep in mind always that people can often feed off of what I say, and I make a conscious effort to make it more pleasantly sounding then maybe i have a slight chance to influence their mood for the best.. Although this isn't always the case..as hard as we try sometimes its really hard to not show your mood or feelings when you speak. The power is always in the word. Today I am thankful for words, the abundance of beautiful words that makes things possible that help me travel through a world without having to have a visual, that helps me shape myself and the way people see me. Words that are beautiful enough to try to explain my thoughts and happiness and sometimes sadness. Sadness doesn't always have to be ugly....... After all it all depends on how we react to those words anyway. So please, speak a beautiful world, and maybe the world will speak beautifully back.

Pride

is a hard pill to swallow. Today I am thankful for honesty between two people and being able to put silly things behind and worry about the important stuff.

Good night my loves..

Time..

Time heals all. Today in short words I am thankful that time makes things better. Time teaches in a way that can never be measured. So let time do the talking, because in the end, everything is ok in due time.. :)

dont be a giver, or a sad old pusher.

In life we are always taught that if we give and receive and treat others as we would want to be treated it will be ok. That in the end people will stick around and be there for us just like we would want them to be. Truth is, it doesn't happen that way. People continue to let us down, and upset us, because we load them with our trust and expectations. Yet it seems harsh to go around living expecting the worst in everyone...Life is no fun dreaming in the negative... People play up roles in our life that many are just temporary. They are just transient beings that serve their purpose to only see each other for a bit and teach you a lesson. Well lesson learned. Did I make the mistake of letting you in too deep? but no matter what, I cant regret things that i loved doing.. Negative words can sting and remain, and little by little build the bridges that you build to them. Its like they delete a step, a step that leads people closer.. People can do things to us and say things to us, that can make us question why we even let them into our lives. And the only answer is because we let them..

Today i want to say that I am thankful for honesty. Honestly,next time you want to sit and criticize me, take a moment to look at yourself. And then maybe you will see that maybe the things that bother you about me, are things that you portray yourself.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Dr. Seuss

In the bright lights you'll see.

At least when I watch this, and hear the beat replay in my thoughts, I go back to a happy place. I remember not having to worry about things like this and its horrible when people disappoint you. The ones that I would stick around never did. I thought I brought enough to the table to be kept in someones life.... I'm not having an optimistic day. hopefully tomorrow will be better. Today I am thankful for tomorrow, because even though its only for a day,I get to start over.....

and its all because of you.

I dont ever think that i could put into words how much you mean to me. I can go on and on for days and im sure im going to repeat myself as the days go on, but that will be ok. I cant write as fast as my head is thinking so I'm going to go to sleep and dream of you. Dont worry about anything else.. as long as you have that one person that can make you feel alive thats all that matters..

Slow down you crazy child....

You're so ambitious for a juvenile, but if you're so smart tell why are you still so afraid? Wheres the fire where the hurry about? You better cool it out before you burn it out, you got so much to do but only so many hours in the day... But you know when the truth gets told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old...
Slow down you're doing fine..

Just remember you are doing fine.. Dream on just don't imagine everything will come true.. Today I am thankful for being able to disappear....Why do I spend life trying I hurry past it? Take the phone of the dial, turn of the lights, you realize the best things when you are alone..

I don't even know what to call it...

There's no way around it without sounding like a total bitch or conceited or even sounding like I think I'm better than anyone... Let me say right off the bat that that is not and was not my intention... But looking onto my social network(fancy word) I began to think... Do some people lose their common sense as they get older? Or maybe they just didn't have any to begin with? I know that just sounds horrible it does... But maybe I just have my mother and father to thank for raising me to be a realist and not sit and hope for someone else to make my fairytale life to come true.... This came upon as I think about the subject of babies... Babies. Lovely... When they aren't mine of course.. :) But seeing as in we are all in our mid twenties, it seems likes there's some huge rush to procreate just in the hopes of tying some sort of value to your life.. I mean these are the same people that have not had an education let alone a steady job... I mean am i the only lunatic out there who thinks its outrageous to bring a baby into this world without an education? Without a career? Without having goals? Without even a job? Am I the only one that knows accidents don't just happen??? Honestly, if you're having sex without protection... that's not an accident that's a choice and you're gonna bound up pregnant sooner rather than later. And this again goes back to education because I know maybe people decide to have babies before many of their goals have come to reality.. I have friends that have had babies, and still continue their education. They achieve a career and do a wonderful job not only as mothers but also as women working to better themselves armed with their careers and education... Is this when common sense comes in? Or is it that these women just had the fight left in them? Why is it that many just sit there and complain about how horrible their life is and their lack of money and yet they do nothing to better their situation?? It's really quite depressing to see women out there that I knew when I was young, women that were full of dreams and expectations and the fight to make this all happen.. These same women who Just sit there and complain about things not happening to them and not doing anything to make anything happen.. What happened?? Disk we grow up thinking that we were capable of anything? Didn't we grow up thinking that we were too young to ever give up? Didn't we grow up thinking knowing and wanting the best? What happens to all of that? And I know many can sit and argue and say that I wouldn't know, that kids change everything and decisions are made to be the best for them... I understand that. But wouldn't It make sense to fight for them, to achieve your dreams to want bigger things to rise up for in the End they would end up with a better life? When did we start relying so much on others to make our dreams happen? How can they be in charge of improving something that only we would know how to fulfill?? When did we stop dreaming?? When did you stop dreaming or in other words stop thinking that you deserve the best and that it is never too late to get it?? I guess it comes down to ambition...some people have it, some don't.. Those that have it might lose it and then theres that small group of us left with it who work with it and use it to help us grow.. Like Charles bukowski said, " there should be a place for those without ambition... Just so that they won't clog up the world for the rest of us..
Today I am thankful for my ambition, and for the few in my life that still have the heart of ambition growing in their souls.. May you grow into the person you wish to achieve.

Never thought that..

I wanted to talk about another topic that I am grateful for, but decided I should save that one for a day when I have the motivation to write a whole paper on it.. Today I want to say that I am grateful for the motivation that I have each day. The motivation that gets me up everyday and makes me accomplish things. The motivation that makes me strive to want to be Better than the People telling me I can't do it. The ones with their negativity, and opinions who think that their views change my choices. The ones who spend more time analyzing my life and the things wrong with it, when they themselves haven't looked closely at their own. And for that, I am thankful. Thank you.

And every day I'm hustling..

I am am thankful for having a job, because god knows in this hard economy I am lucky to even be employed. But I am happy to know that I have gained the skills needed to succeed that I will keep pushing to rise and achieve all of my hopes and dreams. Thank you coworkers for making it a lovely place to work, on which I can come in and love what I do and be happy to do so. Working to make a difference in many peoples lives.. That's the best reward in life. ..

And so it is..

I should have had this as the first one, but today I want to express that i am thankful for family. Family in the end of it all are the ones that will be there for you no matter how much you mess up, regardless of how little you have visited them or kept in touch with them. they will be judging of course, but only for your own good, but in the end they can provide the support and help that you might need. At the end of a horrible day, theres nothing better than coming home and eating a home cooked meal(no matter how old you get) and having your mom and your dad, sister and (unknowingly) brother make it all better. Thank you, for always being there for me.

And so it begins..

Another year. i have always been one to try to not bash the year that has past. I dont want to say that last year was horrible, that i shouldn't have done this or that, and that in 2012 I will do this big long list of things. Setting new years resolutions gets kind of old. When why would you wait to change something(sometimes the same somethings every year) on the first day of the year, when you can take initiative any day? we can look at any day as a new beginning, I mean it always is, isnt it? The sun sets, and rises again. We sleep and wake up and have the chance to start over again... might not be so easy to change things every day when we wake up, but if we can make a small effort every day doesn't that count? I think so. So again Im not going to say hey Elizabeth, this year you will lose 25 lb.. starting tomorrow no fast food and tons of exercise or this year I will get another job, and change my life and become a better person, because I totally sucked last year. Lets get real... Small steps and i can do anything. I dont regret doing anything, even the stupidest things in the world, because realize it or not I learn something from everything. If it makes me a little bit smarter than when in the future faced in the same situation i wont do it again, then thats enough for me. i come to this year as a person setting out to discover things about herself. I am on a mission like i am every day to become stronger than i was yesterday. i think people look at me and sometimes expect the worst, and of course they talk the worst., but in reality Im learning in due time,sometimes you just start to not give a FUCK about what people have to say about you. Its hard i know and im not saying i have the full capability to this as well as i would love to, but Im learning.. and now that sooner rather than later i WILL BE OK. There was a time this month when i thought that i wouldn't make it. I thought my life was over and couldn't believe reality(or rather didn't want to accept it) but then I woke up. And as simple as it sounds i realized that i hadnt died or fallen ill. The only thing wrong with me was that I lost a bit of hope in the world, and my large bubble of happiness was a bit broken. Thats when I got angry. i mean why would i allow anyone and everyone to decide what i feel? Why would i keep letting people shape my moods or shape my decisions with their opinions? Opinions, thats all they should be. Taken into consideration, but who are they to say what I need or want from my life? Im learning and realizing sadly as the world gets older, and I of course get older, theres less and less people that really belong in your life... and thats perfectly ok. I have the capability to make myself happpy and enjoy life, and can afford to delete people that arent worth my time or energy or worries... Peoples opinions and words hurt, yes but who are they to say what I can or cant do? Most of the time Im thankful enough to think that I know im stronger than they out there forming opinions of me. Maybe I had the balls to do something that they had been trying to do but will never do. maybe i had the courage to say something that they would never bother to say out loud, for fear of it being real. and thats ok...Im ready to play the bad guy or the good guy role that they have in their mind about me. I know what I am. I dont need them to confirm it.. So this today, instead of focusing on the bad and trying to steer away from negativity I propose myself a new challenge. Yes ironic that i begin on the first of the year, after all that hoopla i spoke about resolutions, but this is different...


i want to start a list or rather writings, be it a sentence or a paragraph each day of the year in which I will write at least one thing that i am happy and grateful for. i will list one positive thing in my life for that day, no matter how small it is..(this means that if i am having a bad day, maybe the only thing I will be grateful that day will be a chocolate chip cookie)..

So here it goes....
Today January 1,2012. I want to say that i am grateful to be a believer. To be a believer in love. Love that can consume you and create happiness in your life that not materialistic possession can ever create. I am happy to not have lost hope in it like I thought I did. Love that can create an image of something that can never be written nor spoken nor smelled nor touched. The feeling of euphoria that can fix anything. that can make anything possible. I am grateful that no matter what goes wrong in my life, no one can take away my belief in love. That love van be the best therapy anyone can do for their soul, and believing in it can make anything seem possible no matter how hard it may seem to obtain... so here I am ready for 2012 world.

I am Elizabeth and I believe in Love.