who the hell do you look for? who the hell do you talk to? who the hell do you trust?
in life we are faced with a lot of choices and i lead a life that I'd like to believe that i made really good choices, and for that reason solely is why everything happened now. Its my fault, something i did and or didnt do. the worst part about it is i keep having these horrible dreams i keeo wishing so bad that nothing was ever real, but i cant. I see myself then, stupid and happy, contrasted with now stupid and sad. and i dont understand it, i dont think i ever will.
you fucken let people completely in and they dont have the balls to tell you the truth.
the people that are supposed to mean something.
why now? why now when i was completely and utterly happy and ok? i was sailing back to cloud 9. i was rejoiced. i loved my life and finally began to see all things clearly again. sad thing is i dont think you realize how badly you hurt me. i think back to 8 years and im upset because i realize that nothing ever meant anything to you. you were such a great liar, monuments and steps taken in life were just so you could please me, not because you wanted them to happen. and then i see myself as a role in the master plan, what was the master plan? to break me down? to break me down?
well you all succeeded. i hate you for making me feel like a complete weak person, i hate you for making me feel like i deserved it. go back to it all,was it all worth it? did it really feel so good? what does it feel like to have your whole life completely broken apart? completely ruined, cause all you can think about is how bad you feel now, how bad you hurt, well 8 years worth of story in my heart that meant nothing. i dont want promises, i dont want words, frankly i dont even know if i want actions. i wish so bad with all my heart that i could leave, i dont know where. i dont know how. but i need to leave it all. please put my mind to sleep forever. please let me sleep forever, i keep telling myself to sleep forever but its impossible. can i just skip this and go to the part where im happy ? this is how people go crazy. this is how people end up broken and abused.
this is what you did to me.
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