how long does it take?
how long?
im going to be waiting forever.
maybe its different.
who knows what we want anymore.

want nowwwwwwww....

"Most days of the year are quite remarkable, they begin and they end with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life."

but why is it that we remember that one day that really changed it all?
why is it that no matter how hard we try we keep going back to that day.. and it replays that same sick memory. taunting me, laughing at me. it didnt feel good the first time, so why keep remembering?
i can always remember the last day where things changed. i wish i didnt have such a good memory sometimes... maybe i should just focus all that energy and just have really really good eyesight..
and its just the really really hard part is letting go. becauses theres so many times we realize something is not worth it anymore but we keep it going. like a car with no gas.. keep beating the same ol dead horse..
maybe we should just be happy that they were once a happy memory. remember all the good times, and thank them for that.
maybe we should just stop being such hoarders..
i dont need to have it all.
after its always been about quality and not quantity.

so much has changed..

things happen for a reason.
but how long do we wait for that reason?
i feel like im going to be bitter forever.
was i not worth the fight?
i dont know. i dont know ..i dont think ill ever know.
sometimes people change, things change.
priorities change, doesn't necessarily mean change is for the better.
sometimes people make stupid mistakes and that's just them.
its now i was finally able to see why things didn't feel right.
i mean what kind of friendship would it be if you couldn't even completely feel comfortable expressing how you felt at all times.
i guess we never really received that title.
blah.. im like on a word vomit spreeeee.. hahaha

but on the upside.
i start school in less than a month!!
i will again be chasing books and scantrons!! i havent been happier than i am now.
and in part is due because of him.
i have never been prouder in all of our 6 years(almost) than i am now of him.
he makes happier than words could ever explain.. cheesy i know but thats just the only way i could put it.
i have seen him go from a boy to a man, and i know that he has matured more than i could know.
he makes me smile. he makes me enjoy just being next to him.. theres times when all i do is sit there and laugh because i am sooo happy and appreciative of all the hard work he has put in.
this is not a one foot race.
we can complete it now, with both feet on the ground.
i have to stop before i cry!
of happiness of course.